Help! My Child is Not Doing Their School Work!
October is a busy time of year for families as they settle into school routines, sports, after school activities, and all the events of the Fall season.
Unfortunately, this time of year can also be when school starts to get more challenging for kids and teens. The honeymoon of the beginning of the shiny new school year has worn off. Classes are no longer based on reviewing past objectives and foundations, but teaching new material. Many kids can start to feel pressure and stress as their assignments and extracurricular activities start to build up with no end in sight. The longest unbroken stretch of the school year is from labor day to Thanksgiving.
For parents, this behavior can feel frustrating and worrying. It may seem so simple for your child to just sit down and get their work done at school, so why aren’t they doing it?! Many try to motivate their children with sticks and carrots such as, “If you just do the assignment, you can have ice cream tonight!” or “If your teacher tells me one more time you didn’t get your work done, you’re losing all screens for the week!” These types of rewards and punishment might work for a bit, but in the long run, they lose their impact.
Some kids deal with their stress and overwhelm by avoiding school work, which can be detrimental to both their learning and their academic grades. Other times children and teens avoid school work because something else, something deeper might be going on. A great deal of research indicates that behavior is, in and of itself, emotional communication. And afterall, if behavior is communication, what is your child trying to tell you and their teachers?
Read on to find out some tips to help when your child is refusing to complete school work and how to know when you might need more support.
Collaborate With Your Child’s Teachers: Chances are if you found out that your child is not completing assignments, you’ve been in contact with their teachers. Set up a time to meet with the teacher’s to gain insight on your child in the classroom. Teachers have valuable information on your child’s academic abilities, participation, and behavior. Working with them to create a plan for your child to complete the work is the first line of defense for tackling work refusal.
Open Up A Conversation With Your Child: You may be feeling frustrated with your child, but start a conversation from an open and non judgemental place. State a fact about their schoolwork and then ask them a question about their school work.Listen reflectively. Example: “You seem to have quite a few assignments coming up for school. Do you need help making a plan?”Sometimes a child may be struggling with the academic content and not know how to ask for help. Be open to discussing what’s going on without blaming or shaming your child.
Identify the Root Causes: Working with your child and their teachers, find out what the underlying cause is behind the work refusal. Is your child struggling with the subject matter? Are their social or emotional issues affecting their motivation? Sometimes your child’s work may reflect their feelings, not their work ethic.
Establish Routines at Home: Create consistent routines and schedules at home so that your child has a balance of downtime and fun activities, but they also know when they will be expected to do homework. You can provide snacks, a comfortable environment, music, or a timer for breaks to help your child successfully complete their homework.
Offer Support, Not Pressure: Your child is not avoiding school work because they’re “a bad kid”. There is always a root cause for their behavior. Therefore, it’s important to parent from a place of support. Comparing your child to others can only lead to more stress and pressure for both of you. Notice the donut, not the hole as play therapy expert Dr. Gary Landreth says. What is your child doing well at right now?
Celebrate Small Successes: Your child most likely will not magically change their behavior overnight, but rather take a bumpy path to starting to do more school work. Celebrate their wins, even small ones! This can help your child begin to feel confident and in control of their success.
Teach Coping Skills: If feeling overwhelmed or stressed out is the reason behind your child’s refusal to do work, find some coping strategies that work for your child to help them feel better able to manage their school work. It could be taking a breath before they start their work, telling themselves a positive phrase such as “I got this!”, or even focusing on just one problem or question at a time instead of the whole page.
Explore Learning Alternatives: If your child is not completing their work because of difficulty with the academic content, it might be helpful to explore other options for improving their skillset. Tutoring, educational apps, or other online resources could benefit your child’s academic progress.
Consider Seeking Professional Help: If after trying some of the above steps, your child is still not seeing improvement it may be time to seek additional support. Some children first display signs of a learning difficulty, such as dyslexia or dysgraphia, by not being able to complete their work. For others it might be a symptom of anxiety or ADHD.
Talk with your child’s teachers about the next step or reach out to a qualified licensed professional counselor, like those at Reflect Therapy for more support.
When a parent knows their child is capable of academic success, it can be so hard to see them struggle with completing work. The most important thing is to stay calm yourself, knowing that this is an obstacle your child can overcome– either with your help or with a professional’s help. Kids, with the right support, can grow and enrich their lives by getting through challenging situations, and a tough school subject or class can be a chance to develop their mindset muscles.
If your child continues to struggle or you have the feeling in your gut that something is not right, don’t hesitate to schedule a free consultation with a therapist at Reflect Therapy. We have worked with kids, teens, teachers, and parents on school work avoidance and can get you on the path to overcoming this challenge. We offer parent coaching, therapy for kids and teens, and many other resources to support you and your child on their academic journey.
