6 Tips For Helping Your Child Manage Big Feelings During The Holidays
When many people think about the holidays, they think of twinkling lights, unwrapping presents, and a time of joy and togetherness. Many parents and families visualize greeting card moments of families all together at the table, children and teens smiling, laughing, and getting along. However, amidst the gift wrap and hot cocoa, the reality is that many kids can feel huge emotional highs and lows, and even stress during the holiday season. If your child is having a tantrum on Christmas morning or your teen is talking back to you at the Hanukkah dinner, you are not alone and you’re not a bad parent! Read on to find out how to manage your child or teen’s emotions or stress during the holiday season, so you can make the most of every moment. And if you’re looking for tips for yourself, as the adult in the family, check out our blog post on managing your own stress levels here.
Why Do Kids Get Dysregulated During the Holidays?
It’s important to understand that if your child or teen is having a tough time during the holiday season, it can be a developmentally appropriate response and there are a number of factors that can lead to struggling with big emotions. First, for many kids and teens their routines can get off and there is a lack of structure. Most young people thrive with structure and predictability. While your child may love being out of school and having free time, staying up late or having meals at different times can lead to a feeling of being out of control and can contribute to dysregulation. Professor of clinical psychiatry, Dan Seigel, asks parents to check in with “HALT”. Is your child or teen “Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?” Any of these feelings can contribute to making it harder for a young person to regulate.
Kids and teens can also enjoy the parties, events, and family time, but also may become overwhelmed with the changes and overstimulation in their environments. You may be traveling or have family coming to visit, which while enjoyable, can present new challenges for your child. They may have to now work with a new level of noise, number of people, or not know where to go to find a calm moment.
Finally, while the hustle and bustle of the season can bring delight and joy, it can also mean your family is on a constant schedule of go-go-go. Just like adults, kids and teens need moments of downtime. Jumping from holiday event to event can be incredibly fun, but also gives no breathing room and can be overwhelming for teens and kids alike.
Given all of this, it sounds like the holidays are a recipe for disaster in a child or teens world! While you may not be able to completely avoid all stress during the holidays, we have some tips that can help you enjoy the fun and memorable moments and get you focusing more on the delight and laughter of family time, and less on tears and talking back.
1. Keep the schedule and routine as consistent as possible. Kids and teens thrive on routine to help them feel grounded and secure in their lives. As much as possible keep bedtimes and mealtimes the same, with the understanding that there will be some wiggle room in the holiday season. Most families would rather have their children stay up late to enjoy a holiday event than miss out on the fun but trying to get back on schedule as soon as possible can help avoid hanger, overtired meltdowns or acting out.
2. Balance downtime with socializing. Even the most extraverted kids need a moment of quiet and downtime. Between all the busy events, make sure your child or teen has a moment to play, read, color, or even watch a show quietly or away from others to have some calm time. If you are staying with family or traveling, make sure your child or teen knows a place they can go to have some peace if they are feeling overstimulated. Talk with them beforehand so there is a plan in place if they notice they are starting to get overwhelmed or just need some respite.
3. Let your child be in charge of some holiday activities. Giving children and teens a sense of control can be helpful to both having them participate in family activities as well as giving them some empowerment in their day-to-day activities. If you are able, let your child have a choice in some holiday activities. This could be as big as finding and choosing a fun event like looking at lights, or it could be as small as being able to help decorate or picking a holiday recipe. A sense of control can reduce stress and improve confidence for your child, too!
4. Encourage your child to express their emotions during the holiday. Many teens and children look forward to the holidays, but it’s also valid and normal for them to feel stress, worry, anger or even sadness throughout the season. Encourage open communication with your child and accept their emotions without trying to change them. You can use reflective statements such as, “You’re really feeling frustrated that your brother took the big cookie.” For older children and teens, you can ask, “Do you want me to listen, or do you want me to problem solve?” to gauge what level of support they’re looking for from you. Letting a child express their emotions can lead to feeling heard and validated, rather than emotions exploding out later because they haven’t had an outlet. It can also build trust between you and your child!
5. Teach or remind your child about coping skills. Some children and teens have a good grasp already on how to help themselves regulate their emotions, and some are too young or need more reminders. The holiday season is the perfect time to teach (and model your own use!) of coping skills. Every child and teen has something that might work better for them, here are some of the favorites of kids and teens at Reflect Therapy:
Hot Cocoa Breathing- deep inhale to smell the hot cocoa, deep exhale to blow on it and cool it down.
Bubble Blowing Breathing- pretending or real bubbles, deep breaths, in and out.
Square Breathing- draw a square and take 4 count breaths for every side.
Squeeze the Lemons Muscle Relaxation- Squeeze fists like lemons are in them for a count of 3 and then let go, focus on the release of tension.
Positive affirmations- Examples: I am strong, I can do this, I can handle this!
Positive visualization- Imagine the best things happening
Walking around the house or block- moving out excess energy
Getting a drink of cold water- calms the vagus nerve, which is the part of the nervous system that helps with regulation.
Try some of these out with your child or teen and see what works and doesn’t work. Practice them when you are both calm and then you can remind them of their skills when emotions start to get big.
6. Reach out to a mental health professional for help. You don’t have to handle holiday challenges alone. Talking with a licensed professional counselor can provide an outlet for you as the parent and help you build coping skills to manage your own stress and your child’s during this busy time of year. Children and teens can also benefit from therapy! Whether it’s through traditional talk or play therapy, working with a skilled professional like the therapists at Reflect Therapy in Houston, Texas can help your child develop emotional regulation, coping skills, and confidence to handle the stressful moments.
By using the tips above, we hope that you and your family can spend more time enjoying the fun and delights of the holidays, and less time navigating meltdowns. Rest assured, if and when your child or teen is cranky, snaps, or yells, it is a normal stress response to a busy time of the year! Being proactive by engaging in some of the tips above can help lower everyone’s stress levels, and hopefully help you focus more on the joy of being together and celebrating in this season!
